


you're not church

by Epsilon_Church



Series: Guns for Hire [5]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Autistic Character, Autistic Michael J. Caboose, Grief/Mourning, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25434130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epsilon_Church/pseuds/Epsilon_Church
Summary: cw:medicationpast deathself hatredyall know lordes liability.... that feel.
Series: Guns for Hire [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1660156
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	you're not church

**Author's Note:**

> cw:  
> medication  
> past death  
> self hatred
> 
> yall know lordes liability.... that feel.

Caboose didn’t understand why Carolina wouldn’t tell him what happened.

_ Why did she come home wearing different armour?  _

Carolina wasn’t the only one who had changed. It was like everything had changed.

Why was Texas sitting even further away from everyone else at lunch breaks? Why did everyone seem so mad at her?

He knew - in theory - that Church was gone. He was dead. 

That meant he wasn’t coming back. 

Church had said goodbye to them, and he had died. Like that.

Caboose knew that.

He wasn’t STUPID. 

He just didn’t understand exactly why he had to die, why they couldn’t just use that other AI to rebuild him somehow. Church was an AI, omega was an AI, omega was church at some point.

So they should have been able to put him back together.

Right?

Maybe Caboose was being stupid.

Yeah, maybe Caboose was being stupid. 

That's what Tucker said when he was angry - he was angry a lot now, sometimes he would drink a lot of that nasty smelling juice that South had in her fridge and yell at people who would look at him like they felt sorry for him. 

But why was Tucker angry?

Caboose wasn’t angry.

He was just sad.

Caboose was just sad.

And he wanted his friend back. 

Caboose didn’t understand why when he sat down beside Texas she looked surprised that he wasn’t angry at her. He didn’t understand what she was talking about when she said it was  _ her _ fault for not telling anyone about what Project Omega was  _ really  _ about. 

_ She should have never brought them into this _ , she would say,  _ she got him killed - twice - and it was her job as leader to protect him. _

“But you did tell everyone eventually.”

Caboose finally said.

Caboose wasn’t sure why she looked so surprised.

“That’s- not really the point.”

“You made a mistake and Church died. I did that once. He yelled at me but he was okay.”

“Yeah but… he’s not okay right now.”

“I know but  _ maybe _ if we try we can put him back together. One time when Freckles got shot by Maine, people told me he wouldn’t be okay but I put him back together and he’s fine now!”

Caboose didn’t understand why she looked sadder when he said that.

Caboose didn’t understand a lot of things.

He didn't understand why Sigma was always sneaking Maine away to talk - Caboose had talked to a lot of people and that didn’t look like any kind of talking he knew - and he didn’t understand why when Texas finally started sitting with everyone else at lunch she was telling them to call her Allison.

More than anything, Caboose didn’t understand why the new AI sounded like Church sometimes. 

He didn’t understand why sometimes the AI sounded like Delta or why it sounded like Sigma but more than anything he was confused on why it sounded like Church when it told him to go to bed.

“Remember,”

Not-Church said one night.

“You take one tablet of Clozapine - the pill in the pink labelled bottle - and-”

“You're not Church!”

Caboose turned, finally feeling like he understood something. This wasn’t Church! This was someone pretending to be Church! Church was never this nice about anything! When Church told him to take his meds he never sounded this cheerful! He wanted the mean Church back!

“Stop sounding like him! You’re not Church! You will never be Church! Church would never tell me to brush my teeth right at 8:15, Church would pretend to forget to remind me until 11 so I wouldn't get too sleepy! Church would know that I know which bottle is which! Church would-”

Caboose faltered.

“You’re not Church!”

“I know.”

Not-Church was very quiet. He sounded sad.

Caboose didn’t know why that made him so angry.

Caboose brushed his teeth - for shorter than usual because he was mad and wanted to go to bed, put on his PJs and tucked himself into bed. 

“You’re not Church.”

He reaffirmed, just in case Not-Church thought he forgot.

Caboose didn’t understand why that made him sad that time.

Caboose didn’t understand why he was crying either.

**Author's Note:**

> anyhow,,,,,,, Clozapine is an anti pyschotic,,,, i dont explain my poetry often but....... caboose........ same.
> 
> also *caboose voice* got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome,,, now i take adderall.


End file.
